My Favorite Joke
There was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn’t have a rifle.
“That’s no problem, son,” said the sergeant. “Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go ‘Bangety Bang Bang’.”
“But what about a bayonet, Sarge?” asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. “Here, use this… just go, ‘Stabity Stab Stab’.”
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, “Bangety Bang Bang!” The German falls dead.
More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!” He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him.
“Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. “Bangety Bang Bang!” repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!” It’s no use.
The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, “Tankety Tank Tank.”
Twelve Rules for Being Human
1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error: experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better than “here.”
When your “there” has become a “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Life is exactly what you think it is.
You create a life that matches your beliefs and expectations.
10. Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
11. You will forget all this.
12. You can remember it whenever you want.
7 Steps
1. What are you really thinking about today? – “As you think, so shall you become.”
2. Simplify. – “It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.” and “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”
3. Learn about yourself in interactions. – “To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”
4. Do not divide. – “Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”
5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others. – “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” and “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”
6. Be proactive. – “To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”
7. Be you. – “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”
Be Like Water…
Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend. ~Bruce Lee